Mephisto And Kevin lyrics

Song information

Artist: South Park
Album: Chef Aid: The South Park Album

Lyrics

In 1986, the university of california davis, sought two of the
All-time brightest stars
Dr. alphonze mephesto, and dr. arny abe sacrabin
Dr. mephesto worked hard toward his thesis
His goal was to genetically duplicate the dna structure of asparagus
So that all asparagus would grow to the same girth and length
Giving asparagus a much more pleasant presentation in the world's
Supermarket vegetable business

Dr. abe sacrabin's goal was to genetically create the greatest musical
Entertainer the world had ever seen
Dr. abe sacrabin knew that if he could assemble the right elements he
Could theoretically build a dna structure
That would ensure his creation of talent far surpassing the average
Individual
At the time, one subject of urban myth was the story that michael
Jackson, in a effort to
Retain his youthful look and feminine vocal characteristics had his
Testicles surgically removed
Thereby making him a modern day castrato
If such a rumor were true
Michael jackson more than likely would have some of his semen preserved
Before the surgery to insure the future of his name and lineage

Word came back to dr. abe sacrabin
Of a secret cold storage locker
Deep within the bowels of a ucla research center
That not only contained four containers of frozen semen
But also held a pair of testicles each was labeled with the name, jack michaelson

I once heard a noise, in the night the most sensuous voice
The song of love from an angelic boy, stuck in my head
And this is what he said

"I am gopher boy, pondering reality
I am gopher boy, who will buy my raspberries?"

This had to be the seed of the king of pop
Dr. abe sacrabin was able to use his charm and chiseled great features
To woo a young lab technician by the name of jennifer
Who of course just happened to have the proper access needed to obtain a
Small vile of the precious semen
The search for the egg was a short one
Dr. mephesto simply ran an ad in the classified section of an la music
Magazine. the ad read: "wanted: unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment
Donors must have musical background."
With a plethora of young eager wannabe musical stardoms, willing to sell their eggs
The two doctors, after rigorous auditioning, picked and purchased
Dr. abe sacrabin felt that it would be far less complicated legally
If the fetus was brought to term in the womb of a non human
He had long since secured the services of the university volleyball
Mascot
A llama by the name of missy
When the baby was ready
The child was removed via cesarean
It was a healthy baby boy, and he was named kevin

I once heard a noise, in the night the most sensuous voice
The song of love from an angelic boy, stuck in my head
And this is what he said

"I am gopher boy, pondering reality
I am gopher boy, who will buy my raspberries?"

Kevin was a beautiful child
Dr. abe sacrabin sought to it that kevin was trained by the best in all
Aspects of performing, his voice was golden and had a sweetness to it that most males lacked
He moved with grace and was able to moonwalk by the time he was three
As kevin grew with talent, dr. abe sacrabin started noticing odd
Developments in his physical state
When kevin lost his baby teeth, his secondaries came in with a vengeance
They were at least twice the size as a normal adult's and the two in
Front stuck nearly straight out, also as kevin reached the 8th year
He was the same height as he was when he was 4
To top it off, he was growing hair all over and his penis was enormous
Even by adult standards
It also dawned on the doctor that even through all the years of hearing kevin's singing
He rarely spoke, often chosing to communicate through various grunts and gurgles

I once heard a voice, in the night the most sensuous voice
The song of love from an angelic boy, stuck in my head
And this is what he said

"I am gopher boy, pondering reality
I am gopher boy, who will buy my raspberries?"

Other's were noticing the changes in kevin
The children began to tease him, and call him "gopher boy"
One day, a bully by the name of big roy, started throwing bananas at him
Soon a crowd of kids were all throwing bananas
Suddenly, in a fury, kevin rushed at big roy and bit 3 fingers off on his left hand
Kevin was taken away and placed in the custody of the state
Dr. abe sacrabin actions were found out
But because there was no legislation concerning the genetic construction
Of another human being
No criminal charges were brought forth
The medical association's board of ethics stripped him of all his
Credentials and his reputation was ruined
In fact, his name became so synonymous with failure
That for years to come, med students around the world were known to say
In time of mishap

"Damn, I feel just like abe sacrabin."

Dr. mephesto immediately began proceeds to adopt little kevin
Being a noted scientist and the creator of the cloned asparagus
It wasn't long before the two were legally united as father and son

They moved to colorado, where they live in relative obscurity
Kevin is still a boy, of few spoken words, sticking mainly to his grunts and gurgles
But on occasion, if you listen closely, you can hear his sweet golden
Singing voice, ring out into the night, over the small town, of south park

"I am gopher boy pondering reality
I am gopher boy, who will buy my raspberries?"

[from http://lyrics.doheth.co.uk]

"Chef Aid: The South Park Album" album track list