Close But No Cigar lyrics
Song information
Artist: Weird Al Yankovic Album: Straight Outta Lynwood
Lyrics
Jillian was her name She was sweeter than aspartame Her kisses reconfigured my dna And after that I never was the same
And I loved her even more Than marlon brando loved souffle She was gorgeous, she was charming Yeah, she was perfect in every way
Except she was always using the word "infer" When she obviously meant "imply" And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing But frankly, I can't imagine why
And I told her, I said "Hey! are we playing horseshoes, honey? No, I don't think we are! You're close! (close!) But no cigar!"
Then I met sweet young janet Prettiest thing on the planet Had a body hotter than a habanjero She had lips like a ripe pomegranate
And I was crazy like manson about her She got me all choked up like momma cass She had a smile so incredibly radiant You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass
I thought after all these years of searching around I'd found my soulmate finally But one day I found out she actually owned a copy Of joe dirt on dvd
Oh, no! I said "Hey! are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo? No I don't think we are! You're close! (close!) Oh, so very close! (close!) Yeah, baby, you're close! (close!) So close! But no cigar!"
(Oh, yeah!) (Oh, no!) (Oh, yeah!) (Oh, no!) (Oh, yeah!) (Oh, no!) (All right!)
[Hand claps, trumpet solo]
Julie played water polo She wore a ribbon on her left manolo She had me sweating like nixon every time she was near My heart was beating like a buddy rich solo
And she was everything I've dreamed of She moved right up to #1 on my list And did I mention she's a world famous billionare Bikini supermodel astrophysicist
Yeah, she was so pretty she made charlize theron Look like a big fat slobbering pig The only caveat is one of her earlobes Was just a little tiny bit too big
I said "Hey! are we doing government work here? No I don't think we are! You're close! (close!) So very, very close! (close!) Aaw, baby, you're close! (close!) So close! But no cigar!"
Missed it by that much! (no cigar!) Ah, yeah! ah, right! (no cigar!) Really, really, really close! (no cigar!) But no cigar!
[from http://lyrics.doheth.co.uk]
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