The Bridesmaid Dress Song lyrics
Song information
Artist: Deirdre Flint Album: The Shuffleboard Queens
Lyrics
My cousin mary is a real good friend so she's a bridesmaid for the tenth time They say that love is blind and a bride to be can prove it Cause what they pick for bridesmaids is a heinous fashion crime She pays 300 dollars for a dress the bride is claiming "If you hem it, you can wear it as a cocktail dress."
Well, sure
If you hem it, redesign the sleeves, tear off the bows and rhinestones, tuck in the sash and dye it black, well then, 500 dollars later you will end up with a gown that is quite obviously a bridesmaid dress altered to be worn as a cocktail dress
Well, she called me when the dress came in and said "I can't believe it, but this one wins the one for the most piteous." I said, "you've got a wide brimmed melon hat, nothing Could be worse than that."
But it was. it was hideous It was yards of silken aqua foamy green with lace and ribbons It was scarlett crawling back up from the dead And as she shoved her feet into a set of matching four inch heels For lack of any better words I said
Someday, jumbo butt bows, will be the rage that's what my hunch is And someday, jade silk long gloves Will be the power dress for corporate lunches They brought the bellbottoms back , we said it couldn't be done It's just a question of when Don't trash that satin, I'm telling you girl You'll use that dress again
The reception was a dinner cruise that sailed into the bay Despite the lace and ribbons mary looked divine But another psycho bridesmaid who was jealous of her beauty Lured her up onto the deck and pushed poor mary into the brine Well, she floated on for days because the bustle made her buoyant And the sharks could not bite through the crinoline skirt And her parasol turned over caught her ten fresh quarts of water Till she landed on the last uncharted island, whether beaten but unhurt She turned the rhinestones sunward, the reflection made a fire And the natives were impressed with what they saw For they dined on wild bobcat mary caught with bow and arrow She'd refashioned from the wire of her under wire bra and she said
Hey this jumbo butt bow, will make a nifty rescue flag And hey, this extra bustle, I'll sew into a sleeping bag I'll pay the natives fake pearls, they'll go and carve me a boat And I'll be homeward again I'm sure that this skirt will yield three full sails, hey! I'm using this dress again
Well, a miami plastic surgeon came upon mary's distress note She'd sent floating out to sea in pillbox hat And as mary waylaid anchor, he fell instantly in love And he jumped into his private yacht and set to sail where he thought She'd be at
Well, a squall came from the south, the handsome surgeon's boat took water He prepared himself to die amidst the wreck But as his head was going under, he heard, "grab onto this butt bow And our true love pulled him from the turgid waters safely up onto her deck They married two weeks later and our mary wrote a book Made 10 million on her video and tour And these days when someone calls her at her mansion and says, "hey!" Will you be my bridesmaid mary answers, "sure!"
Just dress me in one hundred butt bows! and all the matching pastel gear Sure! I'd love a hoop skirt! I want to buy another oddly shaped brassiere It needs more rhinestones I think, a nice tiara might help What this dress needs is a train!" So take a page from mary, she's doing well Though you might feel foolish, you might look like hell Don't trash that satin, you never can tell, girls You'll use that dress again
[from http://lyrics.doheth.co.uk]
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